Look. Observe. Verify. Enjoy.

"I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine and you shine for me too
I love you
Yesterday
And today
And tomorrow
I'll say it again and again
I love you more"~I LOVE YOU MORE BY MATTHEW WEST

I was on my way to the gym when this song came on the radio and though I've heard it hundreds of times( and love it,might I add) it was the line that said:
"I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine and you shine for me too"
     I mean, think about it. God spoke the stars into existence. He taught them how to shine and when He is done with them, He tells them to fall from the sky and they obey.No questions asked. All of creation is like this-spoken into existence, completes the task it was taught by its Creator to do and then just fades away when told its time is up. At no point does any of Creation ever disobey the Lord. Except for one rogue piece of Art: Humans.
     We were not spoken into being, but lovingly molded by The Potter's hands from Earth (man) and bony flesh (woman). We had the privilege of walking with Him,learning from Him and knowing His voice....and we still let Him down every single day. We are the only components of His Creation that were given our own minds to make our own decisions and to choose right from wrong, and more often than not we choose wrong. And guess what? He loves us more.
     God is not some vengeful monster with his hand over a red button just waiting to open a trap door to Hades and send us all to the fiery pit. He loves us all so much. I absolutely  can't stand the "Christians" who stand in front of abortion clinics screaming "whore" and "murderer" to the women going in. And the ones picketing outside gay rallies with their "God hates F@*%$" signs ought to be slapped silly. But let me tell you something( and I don't care if you agree or not) MY GOD LOVES PEOPLE. EVERY PERSON. Man,woman, fat, skinny,American,Romanian,Muslim,Jewish and Baptist. Rich, poor, gay, bi, straight, black, white, green or purple....4'6" or 6'4", it doesn't matter whether you've smoked weed, had an abortion, stolen a kiss or a Rolex watch- GOD LOVES YOU MORE THAN EVERY STAR IN THE SKY, EVERY WHALE IN THE SEA, AND EVERY SONG SUNG BY THE MOST BEAUTIFUL EXOTIC BIRDS. He took the time to use His very hands to mold you and knit you together inside your mother. He breathed the breath of Life into you and sustains your every movement. And whether or not you choose to serve Him and love Him as much as He loves you- His love for you will never ever change. His love can only be matched by His forgiveness. Just as there is nothing you can do to stop Him from loving you, there is nothing He can't forgive.(Notice I said can't forgive, not won't forgive....Matthew 12:31-32). 
     Why not take this time to show the Lord how much you love Him? If you have not yet given your life to Him, don't you think you've gone through this life on your own long enough?Tomorrow is not promised to you- you may not even have the rest of tonight. Why not give give your heart to Jesus? He's already given so much more for you. 

He loves you more. 


 

On prayer Worn Knees

    

  I went to school to earn a degree in Psychology. I know- you’d never have guessed that since I stay at home with all my little ones, I home school and coupon and try to make everything I can from baby wipes to laundry soap, lol. But I did, and one thing I remember learning in a Child development class was that when things trouble a child, it often manifests itself in their play and artwork.

     Things around here have been so bad financial it’s becoming more than a test of faith. It’s quickly turning into a trial. At first things were just annoying but bearable. Then they became troublesome. Now they are moving into scary. It just seems like it’s one thing after another after another. I spent much of today crying and worrying, yet trying to remember that God will never leave us or forsake us. Let me tell you now- it is impossible for faith and fear to co-exist in the same heart. I guess though fear is strong right now, faith must be just a little stronger since I don’t feel completely helpless or hopeless yet…. I just feel “done”.

     At any rate, I was wiping down the dinner table tonight to prepare for dinned started flipping through my children’s drawing pads. My 3 older kids had page after page after page of smiling animals and stick figures, sunny skies and flowers and rainbows. The baby had colorful swirls of yellows and blues, greens and reds- all light and happy. How these precious children keep feeling so light when they don’t have half the stuff other kids have is beyond me. I can’t remember the last time they were at the movies. Clothes are hand-me-downs from 8 years ago. Food is carefully doled out; even juice at dinner is becoming a luxury. Yet they continue to smile, dream and draw, living blissfully Unaware of the financial woes  that their parents pray and cry over. Every night I pray God moves us out of this town somehow, to a place where we can be surrounded by like-minded families and a good church close by. I want my babies to have friends; heck I want us to have friends! I pray my children never forget the Bible verses put to song that I have taught them, so that one day when they are grown and go through their own trials they will continue to hope and dream and be able to find a song in their hearts to sing. I continue to hold on to the promises I know to be true…. though the clouds may never pass away from my home and less deserving people accumulate more and the evil prosper… my God will never leave or forsake me.(Hebrews 13:5) And I pray I never fail Him.

A Matter of Royal Importance

                                             

It feels so good to be back! Please forgive the week long hiatus-internet issues....if you want further explanation, please see this blog's Facebook page: The Heart of Ruth.

At any rate, I was thinking today about modesty and being lady like. I'm not completely sure what ignited this chain of thoughts today...maybe it's when my daughter asked me to show her how to climb a tree and I proceeded to do it in my skirt,lol. I could only get so far because I realized if I were to go any higher there would be a clear view of my underwear! She was disappointed but accepted it and dropped it. But then I just kept thinking all these conflicting thoughts- some related to one another, others seemed totally east from west of each other.  

Who cares if you can see my underwear?It's just my family- they know I wear underwear!

Girls just shouldn't be up in trees!Why not?We can do anything boys can do!

But were we really meant to do whatever boys can?Is it really all that bad if we can't or shouldn't compete with boys?Is it wrong to prove we are just as good as they are or is it enough to know we are and just keep that as our own little secret?

See what I mean? I hope it doesn't make me crazy that I entertain debates in my head,lol Then I began reading this book that had a line in it that turned the light bulb on for me. As Christian women, we are princesses. Every one of us knows that God is King of kings and we may even go so far as to have the cute t-shirts or Bible covers that say I'm a Princess or My Daddy is a King, but how many of us actually really truly believe that? But you have to if you truly believe that God is Lord of all.And when you have lords what do you have to match them?

That's right-ladies.

We are ladies and princesses. Now think about Princesses- not the Disney ones but real life royalty.

Princess Diana of Wales

 

Catherine Middleton Duchess of Cambridge

Princess Amira of Saudi Arabia

Princess Grace of Monaco

 

Now I am sure that at some point you could probably find some unflattering or immodest pictures of these women online, but just for the moment look at their pictures above. They are covered up, they have a certain something about them that makes them both extremely important  but wonderfully approachable. They command respect. They have the kind of beauty that makes women wish they were them, and men wish they could be with them----but they are in no way provocative, trampy or trying to get cat called to get their self worth.

That's it!

The thing you can see on them but can't quite figure out what it is: confidence.   Can we agree that depending on what you are wearing, you will carry yourself differently- maybe even act a certain way? We are part of a HUGE Royal Family! That makes us somebodies! We don't need validation from anybody based on the flaunting of our bodies. If this post hits home with you I want you to know  I'm not sitting here holier than thou wagging my finger at you- this is for me too.

My whole life I've been the fat fluffy haired one. The smart one. The funny one. But never the pretty one. My worth has always come from what other people- especially the boys thought of me. Unfortunately as far as I knew they didn't think much of me other than I was a good friend. I just wish that had been enough for me and not some kind of insult. I thank God for my Christian foundation because without it I just might have pushed the limits to get the attention and confidence and validation I so very much wanted. 

After I got diagnosed with diabetes last year, I worked really hard to lose weight for my health. I succeeded in losing 50lbs without the help of any expensive program or pill or anything like that. But even though I did it for my health I got a very unexpected side effect- I became attractive,lol! I know I am married and I love my man with all honesty- but it didn't hurt the ego getting smiles, winks and waves from complete strangers. Never keeping a secret from my husband, I would always tell him if something new happened while I was out that day.He always assured me it was awesome news and he was happy for me....as long as I stayed true to him. Not a problem, so I reveled in my new little taste of attention. Over the span of a few months my heart changed and I thought I was becoming confident but looking back I was so not. I was arrogant. I didn't dress trampy, but I did dress tighter because it looked more acceptable than it would have 50lbs heavier. My heart is back to normal thank God, although I do still struggle with missing the attention.

This is me now: I have basically ditched wearing shorts or pants unless I'm at the gym because the skirts remind me I am first and foremost a lady and to act as such. Unless it's an unbearably hot day out, my hair is worn long and down because the feeling of the hair draped around my shoulders and down my arms makes me feel ultra feminine. I will find one thing everyday( even if I have to repeat that thing days in a row) that I can honestly say I like about myself; one day it may be the new shape of my arms, the next it may be my eyes. In the coming months I have the pleasure of having 3 rogue baby teeth and all 4 wisdom teeth yanked, and a couple years of braces to help pull down my impacted adult teeth to look forward to. 

weeeeee,lol.

I am scared of the oral surgery and being knocked out part. I'm not fond of the fact that I wanted braces my whole teenage life and now that I don't want them,they are mandatory. But maybe that's just what I need to help keep my heart in check...a little humiliation, er uh, I mean humility. LOL. Seriously though, God knows the importance of beauty to a woman- He created us after all!

1 Peter 3:3-4

"Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

Almost all Christian women know that verse, but for me though it is haunting and definitely a standard to live up to, it's been overused,misinterpreted and too easily debated. I like a verse that can't be any of those, so this one does it for me:

Proverbs 31:3

"Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."

Can't get any clearer than that! Physical beauty will not last. Charm is deceptive. I have always said I hated flattery and compliments because all they are are heaps of lies men tell you to get something from you. Yet here I was, knowing the attention I was getting were all lies. I was the same person (more or less) as I was a year ago, but the fact that I was now getting attention because my weight and clothing had changed tells me that the way these insignificant people felt about me were lies. Rhianna was right- I loved the way they lied. It felt good. 

Idiot me. 

I have a good man and a greater God that loved me endlessly 12 years ago at 200lbs, 5 years ago at 216lbs and today at 185lbs. That's truth. That's love- wanting nothing more than my love and respect in return. A woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. If you fear the Lord you respect Him, if you respect Him you love Him and if you love Him you will cover yourself up, stop cheapening His bride and lovely creation and have some dignity for yourself.Why can't we see ourselves the way He sees us? We want to feel like Princesses, with our fearless knight on his mighty white steed running in to risk His life for us because we are that valuable to Him.....I'll do you one better. 


The King gave His life for you (Romans 5:8) because you were that valuable (Matthew 10:31) to Him. White steed and all.(Revelation 19:11-16)

Winds of Change

 

I apologize if this entry isn't all that long. I'm not feeing well, but I feel the urge to tell somebody to "hold on." I was taught in school that life and times are like a pendulum; that even though it seems things are only ever going to swing one way-and it seems that way is usually against us- that they have to turn like the tides and swing the other way in our favor. I am SO living this right now.

I prayed months ago for God to reveal my purpose to me- to show me the bigger picture of my life and i believe it's beginning to take shape. As I've written words to these posts and posts for other wonderful sites and bloggers...my heart has begun to shift and change. I can still have a temper and a low tolerance for stupid,lol, but I feel more mellow. I am facing in the coming months major oral surgery to yank my wisdom teeth,remove 3 baby teeth that never came out,braces and the pulling down of impacted adult teeth. I fear sedation,pain,looking ridiculous at 30 and the overwhelming financial hardship this is going to put on us.

But my God is bigger and He loves me.

I'm also feeling it's time for us to move again; we've outgrown this house and prayed for a year now about what to do. I need my mother and my husband and I desperately need a night or 2 out alone..we haven't had one in years.We are barely making it as it is and from the viewpoint of a 3rd party all we can do about this is dream. 

I say I can pray.

I have a home picked out just 10 minutes from Grammie, 2 hours from here.... and prayed over it...now it's a matter of God getting us in there. Or wherever He wants us is fine with me. 

I would never ever EVER make this blog monetized. It is my ministry and it blesses me to bless others. But after having just a feeling (and I'm beginning to know these feelings and follow them) I put a donation button on my other blog           (8 Years of Growth) all the way at the bottom of the page. If people feel led to bless us it can be done there; it is secure and is attached to Paypal. But I don't expect it,I don't ask for it...but in the off chance it leads to my prayers being answered i humbly thank all who have a hand in blessing us in advance. 10% of all donations will always be tithed, by the way. I will continue to write the words God drops in my spirit here and if you believe the words "hold on" were meant for you..please don't fight them. God's got you. I've come to learn when God requires you to jump off a cliff, He either catches you or gives you wings to fly----but he will never let you fall.

Isaiah 40:31 

"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

Life Lessons from a 2 Year Old

     Everyone thinks their baby is special, I'm no different. What I wonder is, how many of these babies will grow to know that they were important life lessons for their parents? My youngest was not 1 lesson learned, but 3 for me.


LESSON 1: PREGNANT WOMEN ARE CONSUMERS,NOT PATIENTS.


     I, like most people, had been inadvertently taught that Doctors are god-like. What they say goes.You don't ask questions and you don't stray from doctor's orders.When I had my first baby, I wanted it to be as natural and med free as possible-which is why I tried very hard to avoid physicians and stick to seeing the midwife as much as possible. When it came time to have her, my midwife was unavailable and the doctor told me I was measuring too big and had to be induced.(I should probably note here it was 4th of July weekend in NJ...so yeah...)Very long story short, after 1 12 hr induction, being sent home, another 7 hr induction and the doctor breaking my water without telling me- it was decided for me that I was to have a c-section. I will spare you the gory details of my panicked crying, the insulting / threatening anesthesiologist and the secret drug they gave me that warped and partially erased my memory.      
     Suffice it to say I was scarred for years, mistrusting of doctors and heck bent on having a VBAC. After 2 more physician pressured sections, one that I believe nearly cost my son his life(it was too early to have him), I was blessed to meet Angie Nixon, a beautiful midwife from Scott Depot, WV. Even though my 3 section track record made her nervous, this angel took me on for a time with my 4th pregnancy and taught me that God has the final say/women definitely can say "no" (or at least "wait") and that  pregnancy is not an illness to be cured from. By the time she referred me to the wonderful doctor who performed my 4th section, I was determined that no man was gonna tell me when he was going to cut me. Illness makes you a patient;pregnancy makes you a customer.I let him know nicely but very firmly this belief and he obliged. I waited 42 full weeks (to be sure she was absolutely full term) to give birth- and I'm so glad I did.

LESSON 2: IT'S NOT ABOUT ME

     Before Caia, I felt something was wrong with me that I couldn't deliver naturally. I hated the surgery and even more the people that just had to remind me it's not how the baby gets here but that they got here at all that was important. True, but not true. If how they got here matters to the mother...then it absolutely matters! But each time I found myself blessed with a pregnancy, I saw it as a new opportunity to "get it right" this time. When we had my son we had just moved to WV( seriously- I was only here maybe a week) and the doctor I met assured me that once again for the size I was measuring,despite my being approximately 38wks, it was more than safe to deliver. Against the strongest internal NO! I've ever felt, I went once again with the doc. My son was born but within minutes it was determined he wasn't breathing right and his pulse was too fast. Yet another long story short, I was kept in the dark and denied nursing him for 7hrs- just about the time they decided to let me in on what was going on.He was taken 50 miles away to a bigger hospital that was equipped with a fully staffed state of the art NICU. It was 10pm and I wasn't allowed to go with him. I spent that first night feeling like my son was already dead. I demanded to be discharged the next day and from that day until his discharge on his 8th day of life, my husband and I (still recovering from my surgery) drove 100 miles a day to sit and stare at him in his oxyhood and back home to the 2 little girls who never yet got to meet their brother. He is a fully functioning tornado of a miracle today at 4 yrs old, but his entry into this world made me realize that with my next baby, all my focus was going to be on her. It's not about proving I'm normal, or getting to experience something I was never meant to experience in pushing out the baby- and it was definitely not about trusting anymore doctors---but making every single decision based on her health and safety. Baby #4 ended up yet another section, but after much prayer and waiting on God's gentle nudge that now was the time. She was born a fully termed, happy, suckling 8lbs 10oz!   Not a thing wrong with her other than a bad case of baby acne, I am so grateful I traded the "me" for the "her"; she showed me just how amazing putting yourself last can be and the amount of blessings possible when you do.

 

LESSON 3: ENJOY EVERY MINUTE

     With baby 1 my whole pregnancy was about how unready we were for her and the constant on/off arguing we were doing. With baby 2 it was about how was she gonna get here? Baby 3 I can barely remember the pregnancy because we were completely consumed with our preparations for our 500+ mile move. Not fun packing a whole house by yourself when you are hugely pregnant and home alone all day with 2 little girls under 3 yrs old!

     With Caia I was determined to enjoy every single minute of every single day of my 42 week pregnancy. I can remember every queasy feeling, every kick and every disturbed look i got from people who came into my office at work only to see how frighteningly swollen my  belly was when I came out from behind my desk (I was a breastfeeding counselor-I know...shocking,lol)I remember her delivery day, the smell of the OR, the beeping of the monitors and the piercing cry of a healthy baby girl. It was because of this decision to choose joy over any of my circumstances that we chose to name her Caia- because it means "to rejoice".

 

 

Jeremiah 15:16

"When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart's delight, for I bear your name, O LORD God Almighty."