Friday, October 11, 2013


 originally written on my Facebook under Notes
October 1, 2013 at 9:39am
     so, at the risk of setting myself up to look like a huge hypocrite....
i began reading The Bait of Satan by John Bevere last week. not gonna lie, watching it on the computer was easier and slightly less convicting. In the past year, my life has gone from a looking like a fairy tale on the outside to a downright nightmare on every side. There is definite fear,anger,bitterness,worry etc....and I’m not saying that i may never take to another cryptic update in a moment of sheer desperation to release some of the heartache and pressure. But i will say this: GIIC. "God is in Control".
     He saw everything that has happened and will happen b4 the foundations of the world were ever put into place. He needn't check in with us to make sure we can handle our situations or even like them and be sure-it will all come out in the end to be for His glory. Because HE is God and is worthy of that Glory and if we stay focused on Him and not the storm around us (and we will fail at this at some point) and not let others' actions and words offend us and cause bitterness, great will be our reward.
     My role models are no longer poets or super moms or close friends. They are Joseph- who though he was shown in a dream his future place of power, was robbed of his family,his name, his inheritance and his freedom and kept in a damp dark box of a dungeon for a crime he never committed- and still managed to forgive they that put him there and offer the best he had to them. Why? Because he took his eyes off of himself and the fact that he had every reason to hate and put his eyes on his Creator, and the fact that he had ever responsibility to love.

     They are David, who soothed Saul's restless spirit with music and was welcomed into his army and family, then because of jealousy was hunted like a deer for years to the point of hiding in a cave. He had more than 1 opportunity to take the life of the man that was trying to take his and instead of plotting against him and cursing him, called the man who tried to unjustly kill him "father".(1Samuel 24:11) When word of Saul's death finally came, David didn't breathr a sigh of relief,or reward the man that killed him or feel vindicated. He had the nation learn of a song of love and respect and taught them to sing it in reverence & honor.(2Samuel 1:17-27)

      But most of all, they are Jesus- who unlike US who wait for a sincere apology  before we forgive- forgave us before we could ever conceptualize that we needed it. Think about that. What if Jesus HAD waited for an apology? Not one of us born after his death and resurrection would stand a chance.HE decided on that forgiveness before his Creation ever had the chance to turn on him, and praise God for that. Forgiveness doesn't mean you suddenly don't care what the other person did. It doesn't mean everything is made back to the way it was. And it certainly doesn't mean you decide to remain in the chaos because that's what you did before and it seemed alright at the time. It simply means you release.
     Release the offender from owing you. Release yourself from guilt and shame. You release the bitterness, resentment and anger that is undoubtedly choking the life out of you and your relationship with God. Forgiveness isn't a band-aid that covers the wound, it's the air that releases the infection from eating you up. SO today, i take the first step to release it all. i don't want things the way they were. I want them better. I don't want excess, i want just enough. And I don't want revenge, i want freedom. But most of all, i want Jesus, and I want Peace. Pray for me.