I went to school to earn a degree in Psychology. I know- you’d never have guessed that since I stay at home with all my little ones, I home school and coupon and try to make everything I can from baby wipes to laundry soap, lol. But I did, and one thing I remember learning in a Child development class was that when things trouble a child, it often manifests itself in their play and artwork.
Things around here have been so bad financial it’s becoming more than a test of faith. It’s quickly turning into a trial. At first things were just annoying but bearable. Then they became troublesome. Now they are moving into scary. It just seems like it’s one thing after another after another. I spent much of today crying and worrying, yet trying to remember that God will never leave us or forsake us. Let me tell you now- it is impossible for faith and fear to co-exist in the same heart. I guess though fear is strong right now, faith must be just a little stronger since I don’t feel completely helpless or hopeless yet…. I just feel “done”.
At any rate, I was wiping down the dinner table tonight to prepare for dinned started flipping through my children’s drawing pads. My 3 older kids had page after page after page of smiling animals and stick figures, sunny skies and flowers and rainbows. The baby had colorful swirls of yellows and blues, greens and reds- all light and happy. How these precious children keep feeling so light when they don’t have half the stuff other kids have is beyond me. I can’t remember the last time they were at the movies. Clothes are hand-me-downs from 8 years ago. Food is carefully doled out; even juice at dinner is becoming a luxury. Yet they continue to smile, dream and draw, living blissfully Unaware of the financial woes that their parents pray and cry over. Every night I pray God moves us out of this town somehow, to a place where we can be surrounded by like-minded families and a good church close by. I want my babies to have friends; heck I want us to have friends! I pray my children never forget the Bible verses put to song that I have taught them, so that one day when they are grown and go through their own trials they will continue to hope and dream and be able to find a song in their hearts to sing. I continue to hold on to the promises I know to be true…. though the clouds may never pass away from my home and less deserving people accumulate more and the evil prosper… my God will never leave or forsake me.(Hebrews 13:5) And I pray I never fail Him.