Children are a Gift

What would you do if the very thing that you live and breathe for comes under attack? What words can be said to convince others that you are who you say you are? What happens when you are falsely accused of something and the consequences for someone else's ignorant lies could mean the most innocent souls in your life will be the ones to suffer the greatest?

That is what I'm facing right now. I have been falsely accused of neglecting my children, not keeping them clean and being stressed out. My first question is of course- who would/could ever say such hateful unfathomable things? My second question is- when did being stressed out become a crime? If it was, then the prisons should be filled with single fathers, stay at home dads and mothers straight across the board. I have been taught so many lessons in the past few days I don't even know where to begin, but I'll give it a try. Maybe my anguish will bless someone somewhere.

1. You are nothing more than a surrogate

You may have given birth to or adopted your child, but trust me when I say this: your child/children is/are not yours. At any point someone can come to your home on the "tip" of an anonymous someone and accuse you of horrendous treatment and conditions and all you can do is pray the truth is seen and God's will be done. It is during times like these you realize it doesn't matter how many children you have, what their genders are or how old or young they are- they are literally in God's hands, 24/7 and you truly are just a surrogate. To bring them into this life and reveal the mysteries and wonders of life on this planet is a precious,precious gift that the Lord has generously blessed you with- don't take it for granted. Had it not been for his creating Hand and breath of Life, there would be no children. They are precious miracles and daily reminders that God wants Life to continue and that there is Good and Innocence left in this world. They are His, not yours.

2.You quickly learn what is important in your life

I am highly organized, but I am also highly sentimental. I have notes from my husband from when we dated in high school, VHS tapes of movies I grew up watching (despite not owning a VCR anymore)because there is so little things left in this world worth viewing as a family and I have also organized literal mountains of children's clothes by gender/size/season....."just in case" God blesses us with another angel. This has served me 3 times over- I can't remember the last time I bought clothes since the ones we were given and blessed with have been kept in such good condition and are readily passed down to the next waiting child. But let me assure, at the first accusation that my place was unnecessarily messy- such dear memories became purely saved in my mind and either given away or trashed in hopes that my home would appear less cluttered. Same with toys...many gone. And it broke my heart to throw toys away. In an age where if it isn't brand new or the latest blinking/whirring/high tech thing,my children play with such simple toys to the point of dilapidation- and they love them dearly. But at no point would I leave a toy lying around that could be seen as a hazard to their well being...so out went the frizzy haired Barbies and the ride on trucks missing as single wheel. There is not a stitch of clothing, a single letter of a note or  an ounce of plastic on a toy that can compare to the worth stored up in my children's beings. Memories be darned.

3. Your children are your air;and if they are not, something is wrong with you.

In the nights that followed this event in my life, there was much sleeplessness. And I don't mean I stayed up late until 3am or tossed and turned uncomfortably; I mean I literally would stay up all night just staring at the ceiling and crying or sneaking from room to room and kissing each warm forehead or squishy cheek....just once more. It felt like they were dying...it felt like I was dying. I had no idea if that night would be the last one I got to tuck them in as their mommy and pray blessings and sweet dreams over them. My children are the air I breathe and without them, life is meaningless and I have failed miserably at truly living. I will never understand the people who have children for status or to feel important and needed by someone. You want status? Upgrade your seats on a flight. You wanna feel important and needed? Get a dog. You want to feel the unspeakable joy of tiny chubby arms cradling your face as a munchkin sized voice proclaims its love for you?Be a parent.

**UPDATE**

When I started this entry it was 3 days after the event happened. I was told by this worker that she would be returning in 7 days. My family and I waited on pins and needles day after day until that day came and went...and the next...and the next. My children would make statements that destroyed me like "I will write you letters everyday, even if I have to have a new mommy"; "I will never forget you if that lady takes us away" and things of the like. It infuriated me as well as killed me to know that some unknown monster (yes, monsters are very real) had caused such fear in my children that they would rather hide under the bed with their imaginary monsters than face the real ones asking them questions like "Who teaches you how to read?" and "How old are you?" To be fair, the woman that came here was very sweet and soft spoken, but it was what she was there for that made her unwelcome. Anyone that even has spoken to me for 10 minutes knows I live for my babies and that I thank God every day for them- so what I was being accused of made about as much sense as my being accused of robbing a bank.
It just isn't possible.
But I thank God that it's been 29 days since she came and we have heard nothing from her or her office and I am just fine with it. If they don't feel the need to keep tabs on me, they must have seen the truth--- at least I pray to Jesus they have. I cannot have my babies go through that again. I thank God for the trustworthy (very)few who knew, kept this to themselves for the time being and supported us with prayers.
I just pray the damage is minimal and that there are only sweet and happy memories as a family left in store for us.

On prayer Worn Knees

    

  I went to school to earn a degree in Psychology. I know- you’d never have guessed that since I stay at home with all my little ones, I home school and coupon and try to make everything I can from baby wipes to laundry soap, lol. But I did, and one thing I remember learning in a Child development class was that when things trouble a child, it often manifests itself in their play and artwork.

     Things around here have been so bad financial it’s becoming more than a test of faith. It’s quickly turning into a trial. At first things were just annoying but bearable. Then they became troublesome. Now they are moving into scary. It just seems like it’s one thing after another after another. I spent much of today crying and worrying, yet trying to remember that God will never leave us or forsake us. Let me tell you now- it is impossible for faith and fear to co-exist in the same heart. I guess though fear is strong right now, faith must be just a little stronger since I don’t feel completely helpless or hopeless yet…. I just feel “done”.

     At any rate, I was wiping down the dinner table tonight to prepare for dinned started flipping through my children’s drawing pads. My 3 older kids had page after page after page of smiling animals and stick figures, sunny skies and flowers and rainbows. The baby had colorful swirls of yellows and blues, greens and reds- all light and happy. How these precious children keep feeling so light when they don’t have half the stuff other kids have is beyond me. I can’t remember the last time they were at the movies. Clothes are hand-me-downs from 8 years ago. Food is carefully doled out; even juice at dinner is becoming a luxury. Yet they continue to smile, dream and draw, living blissfully Unaware of the financial woes  that their parents pray and cry over. Every night I pray God moves us out of this town somehow, to a place where we can be surrounded by like-minded families and a good church close by. I want my babies to have friends; heck I want us to have friends! I pray my children never forget the Bible verses put to song that I have taught them, so that one day when they are grown and go through their own trials they will continue to hope and dream and be able to find a song in their hearts to sing. I continue to hold on to the promises I know to be true…. though the clouds may never pass away from my home and less deserving people accumulate more and the evil prosper… my God will never leave or forsake me.(Hebrews 13:5) And I pray I never fail Him.

Cake Year Round!

      I was an only child for 11 years and can vividly remember the loneliness and sadness that comes with hours of playing Barbie alone or playing catch with a small rubber ball and a door. Granted, I learned how to properly handle myself around adults sooner than most children, my vocabulary became impressive and maturity was a given...and let's not downplay the joy of doting grandparents and a spoiling mother! But still, I didn't have 1 friend who was a singleton like me. In fact 3 of my closest friends had many siblings- one had 3 sisters and a brother, one had 2 sisters and a brother and the other had 2 sisters. School friends told stories of the eternally cool older brothers, annoying little brothers or sisters and flawlessly idolized older sisters. I used to dream of being a middle child; to be blessed with siblings who look up to you and siblings you can learn from would have been such a treat! But I was the firstborn and the only until 1992 when my fervent prayers for a little sister ended with a flaxen haired little brother. We were inseparable (not always by choice,lol) but I did everything possible I could to be the best big sister I could be.

     So having been both a singleton and a sibling for many years I know both sides of this fence very well.....and I would love to know at what point in our country children went from being a blessing to a bother?

     I myself only have 4 children: a son who just turned 4 and 3 daughters ages 8,5½ and 1½. To me, this is not a lot or too many. Yet I can't tell you the number of times I've heard one of these 10 top phrases:

10.I don't know how you do it! My ___(usually 1 or 2) just wear me out! (sorry to hear that- have you tried cardio?)

9.Nope, we had our 2 and WE ARE DONE!(um, I never asked...)

8.Someone needs to tell you where babies come from!(Really?Cuz, I think I pretty much got a handle on the subject,clearly.)

7.Are they all yours?!(Why yes they are!Are yours?)

6.Are they all from the same father???(Absolutely!And they came after our wedding!How about you?!)

5.Are you done yet?(just like these questions...apparently not!)

4.You trying to be like that Duggar family??(One could only pray to be so blessed and normal.)

3.How do you afford all them kids?(How do you afford all them cigarettes?)

2.(pointing to my 2nd oldest) Is she adopted?(no,why?were you interested?)

1.You must have your hands full!(1.To match my heart./ 2.You must have your head empty!)

     At first I would politely just smile and walk away or give a nervous laugh. Then I started actually answering these repetitive queries several times a day every day. Now I am in this half stage between angry/defensive and head shaking pity. I mean really, think whatever you want about me or my family but have the decorum to either keep it to yourself or at the very least connect your synapses and know not to blurt out whatever pops into your narrow mind in front of my children. (Sorry, there's that angry/defensive I warned you about).I'm not saying bigger families are better or even that smaller families are better.There is NO BETTER. There is only what works for you and me.

     For our family the belief that many children are a blessing and a gift runs deep. The practice of pray now, plan later means a lot. And many hands make work light....well, we're working on that,lol, they are still small. But I can tell you one thing. Not one child in this household has ever been an        " oops baby". Whether my husband and I were in agreeance at the time or not, each child was planned,prayed for and loved beyond human understanding. Every 2 years a family portrait has been taken and every 2 years we look back at the last picture and can easily see a space where a family member was missing and are so grateful to God that space was filled the following year or so. 

     I knew my husband and I were finally on the same page the day he said to me,"It's not a matter of whether or not we are done or if people think we have too many children. It's a matter of there is a member of this household missing, we just haven't met them yet".

     So now you know where I stand and my feelings on the subject...what are yours? (Keep it clean and respectful or it will be removed,thank you.)

some good website reading:
little emperors
Life Without Children
American Prejudice
LOK
The Breeders' Cup

Another oldie but goodie....

Monday, 15 February 2010

 

 

Poignant excerpts from a recent email that invoked further thought

About not being a career woman:We agreed before i had caia that i would resign from my job to stay home again and teach the children.Had there been a good Christian school nearby we would have sent Sierra and Brianna there, but as it were the nearest school suitable for them is 45 minutes away in the next county and that's a lot of mountains to be driving thru in the winter!Our county only has 3 public schools and working at the WIC office, I saw too many moms as young as 15, so I'm not sacrificing my kids.I don't understand why so many women feel the need to prove to themselves or a man that they are just as strong,smart or valid as any male out there by not demeaning themselves by "just being a mom".i understand those who need the second income or even the only income if they are anything  like when it was just my mom taking care of me, for specifically the moms that hate their jobs but feel the need to be corporate successes...i feel sorry for them.

On children growing up too fast :Sierra's in 1st grade and i had no idea what i was in for teaching this grade level.i had no idea this is when children learn to count by 5's and 10's,the concepts of even and odd numbers, making change, cursive writing and the like....but here i am teaching it to a 6 and half year old little girl, and as long as she does not stress, she is SO excited and quick to learn.I am really impressed by her.I understand that everything i am teaching my children they need to know at some point in their lives.But a 6 year old needing to now know the values of coins and how to make change seems just a bit show offy.If she wasn't as eager to learn things like this, I'd gladly hold off just a little while longer in lieu of my baby going to her own piggy bank and counting out exactly the right amount f change to get a Ring Pop.Gone are the days of wanting "10 hundred dollars".

That miracles do still happen : My son johnny is 2 and half and he is just a miracle in and of himself.We almost lost him twice in a year & got to the point where we were mentally preparing to eventually lose him,period.But he's going to be 3 in May and as a little boy makes me earn my title MOM everyday.He's loud and rough, but very gentle with his baby sister and goes for a few days being Daddy's helper then a few days being a momma's boy.He's very headstrong ...dun dun dun!but he makes up for this ... with being ridiculously compliant at nap time and bedtime and when i need him to go tell somebody something or bring me something from another room.What can i say, he has my heart.
 
On the benefits of learning and applying Proverbs 3:5-6 : Then there's my baby girl Caia.She is SO advanced compared to her older siblings, but i think that's cause I listened to God's voice when I heard him tell me WAIT while i was pregnant with her.I wasn't sure what for or how long, but i did just that, and when i felt a peace I said OK to my 4th c-section in almost 7 years and delivered her at 42 weeks and 3 days.most dr.'s today would NEVER EVER EVER have even entertained that thought unless i had had a natural delivery in there somewhere, but as it turned out i had inadvertently put the physician too close to God on trust and knowing what's best when i had Johnny and although they say he was 38 weeks when born his lung development may have proven him to only be 34 0r 36, which is why he ended up in the NICU.So with Caia i prayed several times a day over her and for my courage to trust God over the "professional" and found a doc jut crazy enough to listen to me and it has made all the difference.head up and smiling at 2 days,crawling at 4 months,solid foods at 5 months and now at six months as of the 13th she is standing and trying to walk( i swear it's the creepiest little thing to see!

On how God takes your mistakes and uses it to his glory and for other benefits :I think alot about high school and wish i could have done stuff differently.i wish i knew then how my life would be now and that's it's ok to have a backbone and be assertive.I wish i had had more fun,lightened up a little and stood up for myself more, but i guess i turned out ok in spite of it all,lol.I'm still very organized,type A and pay incredible attention to detail.B+ work is not ok with me,lol....but knowing how i was helps me teach the kids differently and let them know slacking off is never ok but mistakes are just as important to learning the material as getting it all right.