Saturday, January 7, 2012

Children are a Gift

What would you do if the very thing that you live and breathe for comes under attack? What words can be said to convince others that you are who you say you are? What happens when you are falsely accused of something and the consequences for someone else's ignorant lies could mean the most innocent souls in your life will be the ones to suffer the greatest?

That is what I'm facing right now. I have been falsely accused of neglecting my children, not keeping them clean and being stressed out. My first question is of course- who would/could ever say such hateful unfathomable things? My second question is- when did being stressed out become a crime? If it was, then the prisons should be filled with single fathers, stay at home dads and mothers straight across the board. I have been taught so many lessons in the past few days I don't even know where to begin, but I'll give it a try. Maybe my anguish will bless someone somewhere.

1. You are nothing more than a surrogate
You may have given birth to or adopted your child, but trust me when I say this: your child/children is/are not yours. At any point someone can come to your home on the "tip" of an anonymous someone and accuse you of horrendous treatment and conditions and all you can do is pray the truth is seen and God's will be done. It is during times like these you realize it doesn't matter how many children you have, what their genders are or how old or young they are- they are literally in God's hands, 24/7 and you truly are just a surrogate. To bring them into this life and reveal the mysteries and wonders of life on this planet is a precious,precious gift that the Lord has generously blessed you with- don't take it for granted. Had it not been for his creating Hand and breath of Life, there would be no children. They are precious miracles and daily reminders that God wants Life to continue and that there is Good and Innocence left in this world. They are His, not yours.

2.You quickly learn what is important in your life
I am highly organized, but I am also highly sentimental. I have notes from my husband from when we dated in high school, VHS tapes of movies I grew up watching (despite not owning a VCR anymore)because there is so little things left in this world worth viewing as a family and I have also organized literal mountains of children's clothes by gender/size/season....."just in case" God blesses us with another angel. This has served me 3 times over- I can't remember the last time I bought clothes since the ones we were given and blessed with have been kept in such good condition and are readily passed down to the next waiting child. But let me assure, at the first accusation that my place was unnecessarily messy- such dear memories became purely saved in my mind and either given away or trashed in hopes that my home would appear less cluttered. Same with toys...many gone. And it broke my heart to throw toys away. In an age where if it isn't brand new or the latest blinking/whirring/high tech thing,my children play with such simple toys to the point of dilapidation- and they love them dearly. But at no point would I leave a toy lying around that could be seen as a hazard to their well out went the frizzy haired Barbies and the ride on trucks missing as single wheel. There is not a stitch of clothing, a single letter of a note or  an ounce of plastic on a toy that can compare to the worth stored up in my children's beings. Memories be darned.

3. Your children are your air;and if they are not, something is wrong with you.
In the nights that followed this event in my life, there was much sleeplessness. And I don't mean I stayed up late until 3am or tossed and turned uncomfortably; I mean I literally would stay up all night just staring at the ceiling and crying or sneaking from room to room and kissing each warm forehead or squishy cheek....just once more. It felt like they were felt like I was dying. I had no idea if that night would be the last one I got to tuck them in as their mommy and pray blessings and sweet dreams over them. My children are the air I breathe and without them, life is meaningless and I have failed miserably at truly living. I will never understand the people who have children for status or to feel important and needed by someone. You want status? Upgrade your seats on a flight. You wanna feel important and needed? Get a dog. You want to feel the unspeakable joy of tiny chubby arms cradling your face as a munchkin sized voice proclaims its love for you?Be a parent.

When I started this entry it was 3 days after the event happened. I was told by this worker that she would be returning in 7 days. My family and I waited on pins and needles day after day until that day came and went...and the next...and the next. My children would make statements that destroyed me like "I will write you letters everyday, even if I have to have a new mommy"; "I will never forget you if that lady takes us away" and things of the like. It infuriated me as well as killed me to know that some unknown monster (yes, monsters are very real) had caused such fear in my children that they would rather hide under the bed with their imaginary monsters than face the real ones asking them questions like "Who teaches you how to read?" and "How old are you?" To be fair, the woman that came here was very sweet and soft spoken, but it was what she was there for that made her unwelcome. Anyone that even has spoken to me for 10 minutes knows I live for my babies and that I thank God every day for them- so what I was being accused of made about as much sense as my being accused of robbing a bank.
It just isn't possible.
But I thank God that it's been 29 days since she came and we have heard nothing from her or her office and I am just fine with it. If they don't feel the need to keep tabs on me, they must have seen the truth--- at least I pray to Jesus they have. I cannot have my babies go through that again. I thank God for the trustworthy (very)few who knew, kept this to themselves for the time being and supported us with prayers.
I just pray the damage is minimal and that there are only sweet and happy memories as a family left in store for us.

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