Children are a Gift

What would you do if the very thing that you live and breathe for comes under attack? What words can be said to convince others that you are who you say you are? What happens when you are falsely accused of something and the consequences for someone else's ignorant lies could mean the most innocent souls in your life will be the ones to suffer the greatest?

That is what I'm facing right now. I have been falsely accused of neglecting my children, not keeping them clean and being stressed out. My first question is of course- who would/could ever say such hateful unfathomable things? My second question is- when did being stressed out become a crime? If it was, then the prisons should be filled with single fathers, stay at home dads and mothers straight across the board. I have been taught so many lessons in the past few days I don't even know where to begin, but I'll give it a try. Maybe my anguish will bless someone somewhere.

1. You are nothing more than a surrogate

You may have given birth to or adopted your child, but trust me when I say this: your child/children is/are not yours. At any point someone can come to your home on the "tip" of an anonymous someone and accuse you of horrendous treatment and conditions and all you can do is pray the truth is seen and God's will be done. It is during times like these you realize it doesn't matter how many children you have, what their genders are or how old or young they are- they are literally in God's hands, 24/7 and you truly are just a surrogate. To bring them into this life and reveal the mysteries and wonders of life on this planet is a precious,precious gift that the Lord has generously blessed you with- don't take it for granted. Had it not been for his creating Hand and breath of Life, there would be no children. They are precious miracles and daily reminders that God wants Life to continue and that there is Good and Innocence left in this world. They are His, not yours.

2.You quickly learn what is important in your life

I am highly organized, but I am also highly sentimental. I have notes from my husband from when we dated in high school, VHS tapes of movies I grew up watching (despite not owning a VCR anymore)because there is so little things left in this world worth viewing as a family and I have also organized literal mountains of children's clothes by gender/size/season....."just in case" God blesses us with another angel. This has served me 3 times over- I can't remember the last time I bought clothes since the ones we were given and blessed with have been kept in such good condition and are readily passed down to the next waiting child. But let me assure, at the first accusation that my place was unnecessarily messy- such dear memories became purely saved in my mind and either given away or trashed in hopes that my home would appear less cluttered. Same with toys...many gone. And it broke my heart to throw toys away. In an age where if it isn't brand new or the latest blinking/whirring/high tech thing,my children play with such simple toys to the point of dilapidation- and they love them dearly. But at no point would I leave a toy lying around that could be seen as a hazard to their well being...so out went the frizzy haired Barbies and the ride on trucks missing as single wheel. There is not a stitch of clothing, a single letter of a note or  an ounce of plastic on a toy that can compare to the worth stored up in my children's beings. Memories be darned.

3. Your children are your air;and if they are not, something is wrong with you.

In the nights that followed this event in my life, there was much sleeplessness. And I don't mean I stayed up late until 3am or tossed and turned uncomfortably; I mean I literally would stay up all night just staring at the ceiling and crying or sneaking from room to room and kissing each warm forehead or squishy cheek....just once more. It felt like they were dying...it felt like I was dying. I had no idea if that night would be the last one I got to tuck them in as their mommy and pray blessings and sweet dreams over them. My children are the air I breathe and without them, life is meaningless and I have failed miserably at truly living. I will never understand the people who have children for status or to feel important and needed by someone. You want status? Upgrade your seats on a flight. You wanna feel important and needed? Get a dog. You want to feel the unspeakable joy of tiny chubby arms cradling your face as a munchkin sized voice proclaims its love for you?Be a parent.

**UPDATE**

When I started this entry it was 3 days after the event happened. I was told by this worker that she would be returning in 7 days. My family and I waited on pins and needles day after day until that day came and went...and the next...and the next. My children would make statements that destroyed me like "I will write you letters everyday, even if I have to have a new mommy"; "I will never forget you if that lady takes us away" and things of the like. It infuriated me as well as killed me to know that some unknown monster (yes, monsters are very real) had caused such fear in my children that they would rather hide under the bed with their imaginary monsters than face the real ones asking them questions like "Who teaches you how to read?" and "How old are you?" To be fair, the woman that came here was very sweet and soft spoken, but it was what she was there for that made her unwelcome. Anyone that even has spoken to me for 10 minutes knows I live for my babies and that I thank God every day for them- so what I was being accused of made about as much sense as my being accused of robbing a bank.
It just isn't possible.
But I thank God that it's been 29 days since she came and we have heard nothing from her or her office and I am just fine with it. If they don't feel the need to keep tabs on me, they must have seen the truth--- at least I pray to Jesus they have. I cannot have my babies go through that again. I thank God for the trustworthy (very)few who knew, kept this to themselves for the time being and supported us with prayers.
I just pray the damage is minimal and that there are only sweet and happy memories as a family left in store for us.

Letting Go

     

     Have you ever felt like the weight of the world was literally on your shoulders?

     Like the responsibility for every bill to be paid on time, every child to smile and be contented and learned, every meal to be cooked, every question to be answered correctly and every second of your spouse's happiness was hanging solely on your back? That where I have been for the past 30 days. Granted, I feel like this in varying degrees every day, but for some reason it has been hitting hard since my last post- and it has gotten to be too much for me to handle. I have literally cried at some point in the day- EVERY day for 15 days-whether it be from a moving song, a broken heart, feeling like a failure as a mother or teacher, sheer exhaustion or on behalf of a friend's suffering. I have shamefully felt completely devoid of all life, all my joy.

Tonight I was reading Exodus 17:11-13: 

"As long as Moses held up his hands, the Israelites were winning, but whenever he lowered his hands, the Amalekites were winning.When Moses' hands grew tired, they took a stone and put it under him and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held his hands up--one on one side, one on the other--so that his hands remained steady till sunset.So Joshua overcame the Amalekite army with the sword."

     I am not one who believes things happen as coincidence. I see ties and correlations everywhere in seemingly unconnected things. Maybe the above verse is why we lift our hands when we worship- because worship is not just singing, but warfare. 

     Growing up I always thought that the lifting of hands either symbolized us handing over our sins and cares to the Lord, us offering our sacrifice of praise straight to God or maybe, just as children whose parent just walked in the door wants whatever Mom or Dad has for them,we are supposed to approach God with arms wide open. But now as an adult and after reading this I want to add that maybe it has something to do with why Moses held his hands up. As long as he kept his hands held high, the Israelites would have the upper hand while in battle, but when he grew weak and tired and even, just for a second, had his mind on his own discomfort and weariness the Isrealite army began to be defeated.

     I am at this point now. I want to lift my hands and I want to continue on, but I am just so tired- both physically and spiritually....maybe even even emotionally. I live to do whatever I can to absorb the pain of others and to help in any way I can to set them on the right track to God and back to their joy; yet somehow I never quite get around to doing the same for myself. It feels selfish and I hate that feeling. I need my own personal Aaron and Hur- strong and faithful people who will hold me up when I just want to give up and collapse. 

     Something else I noticed reading this verse: Joshua did the fighting. Granted he had an entire army with him, but Moses did not run around the battlefield with his arms up! Why? Because he wasn't able to do it all! He couldn't physically fight in the battle and be the example to the army with hands held high. We as women (and I am SO talking to myself here) at times feel like we have got to do it all and be it all for those we love and we just can't. When we try, we burn our candles at both ends... and then we aren't any good to anyone anymore. This is easy for me to comprehend but so hard to put into practice. I know how Type A I am so I feel things just get done faster and more efficiently when I do it myself...but I am beginning to see the consequences of this way of thinking. It's just so hard to relinquish control.

Maybe I should just lift my hands and let go.

A Lesson Learned from Pudding

 

 

 

 I love that God chooses my children to teach me lessons and to show me things that can help others on a bigger scale.

Money has been tight, so sweets are scarce. I found a package of French Vanilla Pudding in the back of the snack drawer and quickly set about adding milk to the powder and starting to mix it. Enter my 2 year old- my very strong willed 2 year old, lol. She climbs up on a box she found and asks to help mix. Before I can even say yes or no, her hand is on the back of the mixer and liquified pudding is flying everywhere. Half laughing/half freaking out she shrieks,"MOMMY HELP!" So I go to clean up the mess and take the mixer from her and she tightens her grip and says "NO, I DO IT!"

 

Ooooook, but I insist on keeping my hand on it as well to guide her. Unfortunately, I realize quickly she's not too keen on this idea and begins shaking the mixer everywhere and trying to wriggle it out of my hands, but as pudding goes flying again she starts freaking out..again.

 

It was at this point I begin to see the lesson God is trying to get across to me.

 

When we grab ahold of something we are not ready for, it's gonna make a mess. We cry out to Him for His help and He in all His Fatherly compassion cleans up the mess and tries to take over to make things right and put things back on track. If we allow Him to move, blessings flow. If we don't and are determined to flex our free wills (since the mess is now all gone), we risk creating a bigger mess and testing His patience. He may tighten His grip the next time we finally let go, or He may remove our hands from the situation altogether...thereby causing us to view things as "falling apart" or us "losing control" of our lives. This is the point where we begin whining that God has left us, when in actuality...we went storming off into the next room away from His guiding hand because we are pouting and angry...like my baby girl.

 

But at some point, hopefully, we will return to Him like she did with me- head hung low and heart heavy and sincerely apologize- realizing there is 1 God and we are not Him. It is at this point that He welcomes us back with open arms and blesses us with our pudding.

Where's The Love?

Recently guest posted at The Modern Christian website. The Link can be found under the Blessings tab of this blog.  So important, I had to get it out twice.

  I am going to go somewhere that I try very hard to avoid at all costs. The only reason that I am addressing this subject is because it is becoming so prevalent that I feel God is laying it on my heart to expose it for what it is. This subject has to do with the End Times. This subject is the Apostasy- the Great Falling Away.

 2 Thessalonians 2:1-3 "Now we request you, brethren, with regard to the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ and our gathering together to Him, that you not be quickly shaken from your composure or be disturbed either by a spirit or a message or a letter as if from us, to the effect that the day of the Lord has come. Let no one in any way deceive you, for it will not come unless the apostasy comes first, and the man of lawlessness is revealed, the son of destruction.”

     I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but at a time where more and more people are searching for the Truth, The Right Way, the Answers….they seem to be moving further and further away from it. It’s like a deadly game of “You’re getting Warmer”. People who had a hand in teaching me the beliefs I hold desperately to now seem to be stumbling around in a haze of doubt and uncertainty. Maybe I’m just stubborn, but I don’t see where the confusion is. I don’t understand why they don’t understand. The Truth that I was taught about Salvation, Heaven and Hell, The tricks of the Devil and the Love and Sovereignty of God are still just as clear cut and obvious to me now as they were when I was 5 years old. You know what? Strike that. I DO know where the confusion lies and why those who were steadfast in their beliefs now doubt what they know to be true.

It’s because they kept an open mind.

     I’m not saying I have all the answers and nothing is ever lost on me. What I am saying is that what I know I know and what I don’t, that’s ok. I think one of the biggest compliments a person can give me is to call me close minded or say that I’m “one of those small minded Christians”. Yes, I am thank you! There is only room enough in my mind to hold so much and if it doesn’t line up with the Bible isn’t exactly on track with the Bible, then I have no room for it in my mind.

Philippians 2:5 “Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus.”

     We as Christians are supposed to have the mind of Christ. Not once did Jesus (in his earthly form) ever present His views on a subject based on his own human agenda, for his own carnal gain. Not once did He ever make a statement, then at the first sign of opposition shrink back in order to keep an open mind or to keep from offending those with opposing views. I don’t remember EVER reading in Scripture any words to the effect of “And when Christ saw that they had made a valid point, he opened his mind to reconsideration and thought”. NO! That’s not how it goes! One of the best sayings I ever heard (and I wish I could remember where I originally heard it from) was that Truth is Truth whether you like it or not. It will always be. It does not change. It’s not a fad, err go, it will not always be what is popular- but it will always be what it is: Truth.

     Once upon a time it was commonly believed that in order to achieve salvation, one had to confess their sins with their mouth, repent of those sins and ask the Lord Jesus into their hearts and lives. This heart change usually preceded a water baptism and then a filling of the Holy Spirit. Now for some reason, it’s being thrown in that what you wear/accessorize with/eat/drink/socialize with/how much money you give is now all apart of you keeping your salvation. Some churches, in a well-meaning and desperate attempt at keeping a standard of holiness, are throwing in added rules and regulations that are making just the act of living so impossible for people to live up to, that these people are just giving up completely and walking away from what should be drawing them closer to the Lord. I whole heartedly agree that anything that causes you to stumble or distracts you from living your holiest should be cut off immediately. But what is a stumbling block for you may not be an issue at all for someone else. If you watch TV mainly for news and a chuckle or 2 from a decent sitcom, I see no reason why you need to cancel your DishNetwork subscription. But if you are losing precious hours in a day because you can’t peel yourself away from the “adult” channels, I know a quick way for you to save upwards of around $80 a month! Some women feel more confident (or in my case, awake) simply by applying a bit of eyeliner and gloss throughout their day; some feel they can’t survive the day without visually seducing every man that sees them with the help of a suitcase full of powders, palettes and paints for their poor faces. I am firmly against the latter. In short, anything that causes or encourages a spirit that is not of God needs to go.

     You are probably wondering by now what all this has to do with this “Great Falling Away”. Simply put, we who claim to be God’s children- little fallible examples to the world of who God is and what He is all about- are ourselves walking away from the idea of organized religion because we are sabotaging ourselves allowing the Devil to distract and deceive us all. We can’t live up to our own standards of holiness. We are starving not only the world, but ourselves of the very feeling of eternal love and acceptance that God has for us. Some of us are so wrapped up in the “how” of attaining Holiness, that we are becoming self-important and actually replacing that ever important love with condemnation towards those who we deem not as holy as ourselves. This is turning not only the world but some Christians away from the Church and sending them out into chaotic droves blindly seeking and creating what they are longing to feel from God.

John 13:34-35 "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

     We need to stop preaching until we can start practicing. Teachers don’t teach, doctors don’t operate and lawyers don’t defend until they’ve truly and fully grasped why and how they are to execute their field of study. We are no different. Until we can learn to lovingly and nonjudgmentally draw those in we have no business pointing out others’ faults and shortcomings. Guess what? They can see our faults clearer than we can. How do I know? Because a) it is putting them off and b) we don’t even seem to notice or care. This breaks my heart.

     What is the difference between a cult and Christianity? Cults hone in on a person’s heart and exploit their needs in order to capture their mind for the purpose of their (the cult’s) own selfish gain. Christianity hones in on a person’s heart to expose the need for God for that person’s eternal gain. If more and more people, saved or not, begin avoiding going to church the void will become too great to ignore and will need to be filled; this void is swiftly being filled by cults who can do a great job with smoke and mirrors to replicate that intoxicating feeling of euphoria and unspeakable joy found only in God’s presence when one is lost in true worship. These deceptions are fooling even the most seasoned Christians who have been burned by past parishioners into believing these moments of mixed wailing, weeping and uncontrollable laughter are one and the same with that 1 on 1 “Lost in His Presence” time with God at the altar. The lost are confusing the effect of God’s Presence with God Himself. People begin to wonder where God is when they don’t feel that bliss each and every time during a regular Church service, yet amazingly somehow that feeling seems to always magically be there during a false doctrine’s service. Why? Because the leaders know where the people’s voids are. They know what they are longing to experience and they know they are not getting it where they need to be getting it from. Why would anyone want to go to a church where there seems to be an underground bevy of two- facedness, gossip, lies, rumors, and immorality when they can join the alternative and always feel like they are in the midst of something genuine? I’ve heard more than one person make the scary comment of “Who cares if it’s real or not? I just feel so much love from the moment I walk in the door.”

     People, it’s time to wake up! How can we expect to win the Lost to Christ when we ourselves are becoming lost? We have got to put aside all the petty junk of “who said what about whom”,” who is wearing what” and “I heard that so-and-so….”.  We are killing ourselves, ruining our testimonies and literally driving people straight to Hell.  If I sound angry it’s because I am and you should be too. We were given one job to do and we are messing it up.

Matthew 28:18-20 “Then Jesus came to them and said, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”

Seem like too much? Start small.

John 21:17 “The third time he said to him, ‘Simon son of John, do you love me?’ Peter was hurt because Jesus asked him the third time, ‘Do you love me?’ He said, ‘Lord, you know all things; you know that I love you.’ Jesus said, ‘Feed my sheep’.”

I Love You

 

     What is Love exactly? Is it hugs and kisses? Romantic letters and steamy nights? Is it x's and o's or hearts and Valentines?? Those are all good and great but they are not true love- they are expressions of love (some) can be mistaken for love when they are in fact expressions of lust)...the products of Love. 

     I was trying to teach my kids Sunday what Love truly is..and I thank God (literally) that He already has told us- not what Love is like, but what Love is. You can find it in 1Corinthians 13:4-8. The best part of all this is, all the things that Love is, God is because God is Love. So once we realize this and grasp it and believe it, how can we not go to Him with our concerns, requests and cares? How could we ever think He doesn't care or understand what we are going through? I know we aren't supposed to change the words of the Scriptures as far as adding or taking away...but if you replace the word "Love" with "God"....I'm pretty sure He wouldn't mind since they are one in the same.

Love God is patient and kind. Love God is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It  God is not self seeking. It  God is not irritable, and it God keeps no record of being wronged. It God does not rejoice in evil but rejoices in the truth. Love God never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance.Love God never fails.

I want my children to grow up and pit every relationship, every butterfly feeling in their tummies and every crush up against this verse. It will eliminate so many time wasters and heart breakers. If you are not allowed to make mistakes because they are always thrown up in your face- that's not Love.If you are with someone controlling or jealous- that's not Love. 

Likewise, how can we say we love the Lord but are homophobic, or anti-Jew or 

 pro-white? I think this says it best:

People, as Christians we were never called to hate, to judge or to condemn. We can not and should not bully and bash people into a relationship with God. It's got to start with Love. WE must love others, not what they do or what they say or how they act, but THEM. Love them the way God loved us when we were at our worst. Love covers a multitude of sin. Love is Patient,Love is KIND. Whether we like it or not, if we profess to be Christians then the world will look at us as an example of the Lord. How can we ever draw the world in if we exemplify a Condemning God? 
Final words:

Romans 8:1-2

"Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death."