Everyone thinks their baby is special, I'm no different. What I wonder is, how many of these babies will grow to know that they were important life lessons for their parents? My youngest was not 1 lesson learned, but 3 for me.
LESSON 1: PREGNANT WOMEN ARE CONSUMERS,NOT PATIENTS.
I, like most people, had been inadvertently taught that Doctors are god-like. What they say goes.You don't ask questions and you don't stray from doctor's orders.When I had my first baby, I wanted it to be as natural and med free as possible-which is why I tried very hard to avoid physicians and stick to seeing the midwife as much as possible. When it came time to have her, my midwife was unavailable and the doctor told me I was measuring too big and had to be induced.(I should probably note here it was 4th of July weekend in NJ...so yeah...)Very long story short, after 1 12 hr induction, being sent home, another 7 hr induction and the doctor breaking my water without telling me- it was decided for me that I was to have a c-section. I will spare you the gory details of my panicked crying, the insulting / threatening anesthesiologist and the secret drug they gave me that warped and partially erased my memory.
Suffice it to say I was scarred for years, mistrusting of doctors and heck bent on having a VBAC. After 2 more physician pressured sections, one that I believe nearly cost my son his life(it was too early to have him), I was blessed to meet Angie Nixon, a beautiful midwife from Scott Depot, WV. Even though my 3 section track record made her nervous, this angel took me on for a time with my 4th pregnancy and taught me that God has the final say/women definitely can say "no" (or at least "wait") and that pregnancy is not an illness to be cured from. By the time she referred me to the wonderful doctor who performed my 4th section, I was determined that no man was gonna tell me when he was going to cut me. Illness makes you a patient;pregnancy makes you a customer.I let him know nicely but very firmly this belief and he obliged. I waited 42 full weeks (to be sure she was absolutely full term) to give birth- and I'm so glad I did.
LESSON 2: IT'S NOT ABOUT ME
LESSON 1: PREGNANT WOMEN ARE CONSUMERS,NOT PATIENTS.
I, like most people, had been inadvertently taught that Doctors are god-like. What they say goes.You don't ask questions and you don't stray from doctor's orders.When I had my first baby, I wanted it to be as natural and med free as possible-which is why I tried very hard to avoid physicians and stick to seeing the midwife as much as possible. When it came time to have her, my midwife was unavailable and the doctor told me I was measuring too big and had to be induced.(I should probably note here it was 4th of July weekend in NJ...so yeah...)Very long story short, after 1 12 hr induction, being sent home, another 7 hr induction and the doctor breaking my water without telling me- it was decided for me that I was to have a c-section. I will spare you the gory details of my panicked crying, the insulting / threatening anesthesiologist and the secret drug they gave me that warped and partially erased my memory.
Suffice it to say I was scarred for years, mistrusting of doctors and heck bent on having a VBAC. After 2 more physician pressured sections, one that I believe nearly cost my son his life(it was too early to have him), I was blessed to meet Angie Nixon, a beautiful midwife from Scott Depot, WV. Even though my 3 section track record made her nervous, this angel took me on for a time with my 4th pregnancy and taught me that God has the final say/women definitely can say "no" (or at least "wait") and that pregnancy is not an illness to be cured from. By the time she referred me to the wonderful doctor who performed my 4th section, I was determined that no man was gonna tell me when he was going to cut me. Illness makes you a patient;pregnancy makes you a customer.I let him know nicely but very firmly this belief and he obliged. I waited 42 full weeks (to be sure she was absolutely full term) to give birth- and I'm so glad I did.
LESSON 2: IT'S NOT ABOUT ME
Before Caia, I felt something was wrong with me that I couldn't deliver naturally. I hated the surgery and even more the people that just had to remind me it's not how the baby gets here but that they got here at all that was important. True, but not true. If how they got here matters to the mother...then it absolutely matters! But each time I found myself blessed with a pregnancy, I saw it as a new opportunity to "get it right" this time. When we had my son we had just moved to WV( seriously- I was only here maybe a week) and the doctor I met assured me that once again for the size I was measuring,despite my being approximately 38wks, it was more than safe to deliver. Against the strongest internal NO! I've ever felt, I went once again with the doc. My son was born but within minutes it was determined he wasn't breathing right and his pulse was too fast. Yet another long story short, I was kept in the dark and denied nursing him for 7hrs- just about the time they decided to let me in on what was going on.He was taken 50 miles away to a bigger hospital that was equipped with a fully staffed state of the art NICU. It was 10pm and I wasn't allowed to go with him. I spent that first night feeling like my son was already dead. I demanded to be discharged the next day and from that day until his discharge on his 8th day of life, my husband and I (still recovering from my surgery) drove 100 miles a day to sit and stare at him in his oxyhood 
and back home to the 2 little girls who never yet got to meet their brother. He is a fully functioning tornado of a miracle today at 4 yrs old, but his entry into this world made me realize that with my next baby, all my focus was going to be on her. It's not about proving I'm normal, or getting to experience something I was never meant to experience in pushing out the baby- and it was definitely not about trusting anymore doctors---but making every single decision based on her health and safety. Baby #4 ended up yet another section, but after much prayer and waiting on God's gentle nudge that now was the time. She was born a fully termed, happy, suckling 8lbs 10oz! 
Not a thing wrong with her other than a bad case of baby acne, I am so grateful I traded the "me" for the "her"; she showed me just how amazing putting yourself last can be and the amount of blessings possible when you do.
and back home to the 2 little girls who never yet got to meet their brother. He is a fully functioning tornado of a miracle today at 4 yrs old, but his entry into this world made me realize that with my next baby, all my focus was going to be on her. It's not about proving I'm normal, or getting to experience something I was never meant to experience in pushing out the baby- and it was definitely not about trusting anymore doctors---but making every single decision based on her health and safety. Baby #4 ended up yet another section, but after much prayer and waiting on God's gentle nudge that now was the time. She was born a fully termed, happy, suckling 8lbs 10oz! 
Not a thing wrong with her other than a bad case of baby acne, I am so grateful I traded the "me" for the "her"; she showed me just how amazing putting yourself last can be and the amount of blessings possible when you do.LESSON 3: ENJOY EVERY MINUTE
With baby 1 my whole pregnancy was about how unready we were for her and the constant on/off arguing we were doing. With baby 2 it was about how was she gonna get here? Baby 3 I can barely remember the pregnancy because we were completely consumed with our preparations for our 500+ mile move. Not fun packing a whole house by yourself when you are hugely pregnant and home alone all day with 2 little girls under 3 yrs old!
With Caia I was determined to enjoy every single minute of every single day of my 42 week pregnancy. I can remember every queasy feeling, every kick and every disturbed look i got from people who came into my office at work only to see how frighteningly swollen my belly was when I came out from behind my desk (I was a breastfeeding counselor-I know...shocking,lol)I remember her delivery day, the smell of the OR, the beeping of the monitors and the piercing cry of a healthy baby girl. It was because of this decision to choose joy over any of my circumstances that we chose to name her Caia- because it means "to rejoice".
"When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart's delight, for I bear your name, O LORD God Almighty."
Praise the Lord! Thats the perfect picture of Caia! love it. life lessons, they are the best!!
ReplyDeletethanks for sharing your heart!
Love mom
Sharing is the easy part, it's learning the lessons that is hard to do!
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