Memory Lane

 

 


  I was over on Classmates.com a few minutes ago and I saw this thing where you click and drag your top 10 favorite songs from the year you graduated. Can I just say it is RIDICULOUS the power music can have over a person?! I'm going through this list and yes, all the songs were secular, but even though I know that at 17 I never wanted to relieve my senior year again....I suddenly felt very sad and nostalgic- almost desperately craving just a few minutes of reliving that year.

     1999 is when I met my husband just 3 months shy of my graduation. It took one smile from me and one fist bump from him to make us best friends, and through my family disapproving of him, his family thinking mine was nuts, 2 graduations, a few deaths, a wedding, 1 move,4 kids and countless hugs,tear,.prayers and kisses later we are still inseperable.

Here is the top 10 list I created of songs that made me smile from that year (with much difficulty,lol):

1.Kiss Me
Sixpence None The Richer- this was the end theme song to the 1st movie we ever saw together. It was the first real "non-group" date we went on and the theatre was deserted. The movie was stupid but it didn't matter because we were scared to death of each other.When this started to play (if u EVER heard this song you'd understand!) at the end of the film, it was pretty intense. 2 teens, completely alone in the theatre with these 2 words repeating over and over and over and just staring into each others eyes.....and it never did happen,lol.I told you, we were scared TO DEATH!

2.Lullaby
Shawn Mullins - This song is pretty much spoken the whole time. It seemed to always be playing on me and John's countless date trips to the mall. It's one of the songs he'd actually "sing" to me because of a line that says "All of her friends tell her she's so pretty/But she'd be a whole lot prettier if she smiled once in a while/cuz even her smile looks like a frown/She's seen her share of devils in this angel town". He always thought it was so true- that i didn't smile enough because of my clashing with ppl in my class and my stepdad and he thought my shy smile looked more like a frown.

3.Summer Girls
LFO - ok, this song was just so dumb that it was catcy,lol.It was the year of the boy bands and every guy between the ages of 17 and 30 seemed to be in one singing about absolute nonsense, yet I LOVED this song!God bless my poor brother, he was only 6 or 7 when I had the cassette single of this band and I kid you not when I tell you i played this song so much the tape broke! It is about what the title says- a guy hitting on shoobie girls---which if you aren't from Jersey simply ,means out of towners. This song was like my summer anthem of being a Beach bred Jersey girl.....this was nonsensical teenage senior year at its best...A cute guy trying to impress a girl he'd never see again after August.

4.Believe
Cher - Oh how I miss my BFF Chloe!Whether she threw the party or just attended it, it wasn't a party unless it was a Clo party, and chances are if she was there then so was her girl Cher,lol. This tune was 2 fold a strong memory.1- because although I was never a popular party girl, occasionally finding myself invited to a party was so freeing cuz when you danced with Chloe you felt like you were flying-no stress, no drama...just the beat and rhythm lifting you up as you got down! 2-because unfortunately my first serious crush was not my husband but another boy that owned my heart for 7 empty years.my feelings for him some days seemed mutual, other times not but at any rate by'99 my heart was officially and miserably broken. 3 months later there was my John so yes Cher, I do believe in life after love!

5.She's So High
Tal Bachman - This was another song John like to sing to me. I's about a guy who falls for this girl that he sees as so much better than he deserves, yet soehow she seems into him as well. Let me just say here, I do not think I am better than anyone...but that being said he did think that...and apparently still does. It's flattering and sweet, but completely untrue; I am ntt better than he deserves.(well, not according to my mother lol)

6.Smooth
Santana Featuring Rob Thomas - C'mon now...have you even heard Carlos Santana play? He is to guitar playing what Pavarotti was to opera! Pair him up with sweet faced silky voiced Rob and it's all over! Plus I  loved the end line of the chorus:"Give me your heart make it real or else forget about it!" (See #4 for explanation)

7.Unpretty
TLC - Here is a video I think every girl should see at some point in her teen life. Not glamourous or have a slew of hot guys in it. I's about you and what you think of yourself vs. what the world thinks of you. I lived my highschool years trying to act like I didn't care that certain ppl made my life miserable for no reason. Thank God I was never physically bullied, but verbal torment hurts just as much and does so much more damage. I myself was repeatedly teased for my fluffy hair, called every variation of fat and a few times my slightly ethnic nose was teased as well. I never dated enough, studied too much and never had the "it" friends,clothes or last name that was tied to my family's bank account. Sadly looking back I now see why I was singled out- i was actually average built and leggy with a pretty face, an outstanding GPA and a face that glowed with only the joy God could bring. I scared my bullies, so they tried to make me feel Unpretty. They should meet me now!

8.Someday
Sugar Ray - the funny and sad thing about this song is i loved it becuase I knew one day that the times i was enjoying, the experiences I got to have and the intense feelings and emotions that went with them would one day just fade away into a sad not so distant memory.....and here we are.
Someway
When the sun begins to shine
I hear a song from another time
And they  fade away
And they fade away

9.Heartbreaker
Mariah Carey Featuring Jay-Z - How can you NOT love Mariah Carey? She gorgeous, biracial and can pierce the angels with her high notes!And forget the side fact that for months I though her name was Maria,lol, I thought she was my more successful dopplganger! Joking aside this whole song seemed to sum up my feelings for boy #1 by the time he crushed my heart in '99. Not a happy memory, but one that shaped who i am now and launched a whole slew of decisions about my life that led me to where I am today...hm, on second thought....thanks for the sharp poke in the eye "Ike"....(inside clo joke)

10.No Scrubs

TLC - another not exactly edifying but pertinent one. This song honestly just fed my blossoming confidence it what was really there threatening the bullies. Though most ppl in school liked me, there were a few who were just downright evil and did their best to remind me daily i wasn't pretty or smart or popular enough...then 3pm or summer vacation would come and I'd see just how wrong they were!Honks, cat calls, whistles... and quite a few"hey baby!Marry me!'s" later and I had formulated in my teen mind that disrespect ='s ego boost yes, but marriage material, no. No scrubs is the song I would dedicate every summer to all the shoobie guys that dared to boost my ego. Appreciated yes, quantity yes...quality NOOOOOOO!

     Now, although I am now waxing extremely nostalgic again, I am also 12 years older then I was back then and I know just a smidge more...like the importance of choosing the right music to harness your heart. Music truly is powerful- hence King Saul using David's harp playing to soothe him. It was one of the few times that man displayed common sense and wise judgement in spite of himself....til he tried to kill him out of jealousy. It is for reasons like this I do my very best to avoid popular secular music. I don't need to be swept away into tears for no reason at all, or storming around raging or fighting the urge to strut myself around like a peacock just because the spirits behind a song got into my spirit.

     I choose to listen to KLOVE and fill myself with praise,thanksgiving and joy from artists who have my best interests at heart. And another thing I love about my contemporary Christian music is, I don't have one bad memory of any song. Not one song made me feel sadness or pain or sexuality. I can remember plenty of songs though, with my arms raised in worship, belting out unashamed the verses of God put to music and the tears of pure joy and gratefulness streaming down my face.

True joy.True freedom.No regrets.
 

For Better, For Worse.For Richer ,For....Now???

 

  I am very curious to find the very first minute, the single point in time where a person's word stopped meaning a thing. That very second the very first human being went back on their word. If I had to venture a guess, it would be the moment God laid down the ground rules of Eden for Adam and Eve...and like a couple of 5 year olds in a candy store they nodded deafly to all the Lord had said because they were just chomping at the bits to go hog wild thru the Garden. The very moment that Eve compromised what she KNEW to be true for what she HOPED was true is when I believe man made promises carried very little weight anymore.

     The reason I bring this all up is because I live in a town where cheating is as blatantly common as picking a flick outta the Redbox machine at Walmart, but is rarely openly confronted unless it's during a drunken attack from the jilted spouse to their philandering counterpart. And it makes me sick, because everybody gossips and whispers about  Mr.So and So Barfly getting with Ms. or Mrs. Hot Mess Train Wreck. There are laughs, nonchalant head shakes and "oh well that's life" shrug offs. And the worst part is, no one is gonna expose the cheaters they know about because the cheaters usually have betrayal blackmail on their friends and neighbors as well----classic case of "you keep quiet, so will I". To this I say:

" 'TIL DEATH DO YOU PART' DOES NOT MEAN 'TIL YOU'RE SICK TO DEATH OF YOUR PARTNER!' "

     Anyone who knows me knows I hate a liar and I can usually spot one a mile away unless they are reeeeal good, but I'm gonna call it like I see it. I DO NOT CARE whether you had a lavish shin dig or a backyard BBQ for your wedding...if you took those vows it was TO your mate BEFORE God. Oh, don't believe in God? Ok, then why do most weddings have a clergy, a Bible or whatever religious book you tote around, a phrase somewhere along the lines of "before God and these people" or "What God has joined together"??? Oh, didn't have anything like that at all in your wedding???Ok, here's a thought: Why'd did you  fork out any money at all for food, rings, a party, anything at all if you didn't mean what you said to the other person??

     Not many  people know my personal personal life because that's just how I am. I protect mine...wrong or not. I can bad mouth them if need be, but not you. I hurt when they hurt- that's how I know I love them. But it's time to stop bandaging a festering wound, so I'm cautiously airing it out a bit....I've had my own brush with infidelity and finding out about it years later has hurt and nearly destroyed me as badly as if I found out the second it happened. And I will DEFY anyone to try to convince me it isn't cheating if there was no sex involved ( and there wasn't). I don't understand why cheaters don't just leave? Why keep their dirty little secrets? What have you to gain? Or are they just that selfish they'd rather destroy a family then die to self?

     I could take this tirade on for hours, believe me, but I won't. Bottom line, if you have no intentions of being faithful or even think you are even remotely incapable of keeping your word to your spouse, do us all a favor a don't make them your spouse to begin with. I can guarantee you most people would rather be eternal bachelors/bachelorettes than somebody's ex whatever. And for those that choose not to walk away from a cheating spouse, don't think yourself odd for waking up crying or suspiciously checking up on them out of the blue years down the line. Once burned, twice shy....and you'll get through it with strength from the Most High.It rhymes, but it's true. There is hope, there is healing...you will smile again.

Another oldie but goodie....

Monday, 15 February 2010

 

 

Poignant excerpts from a recent email that invoked further thought

About not being a career woman:We agreed before i had caia that i would resign from my job to stay home again and teach the children.Had there been a good Christian school nearby we would have sent Sierra and Brianna there, but as it were the nearest school suitable for them is 45 minutes away in the next county and that's a lot of mountains to be driving thru in the winter!Our county only has 3 public schools and working at the WIC office, I saw too many moms as young as 15, so I'm not sacrificing my kids.I don't understand why so many women feel the need to prove to themselves or a man that they are just as strong,smart or valid as any male out there by not demeaning themselves by "just being a mom".i understand those who need the second income or even the only income if they are anything  like when it was just my mom taking care of me, for specifically the moms that hate their jobs but feel the need to be corporate successes...i feel sorry for them.

On children growing up too fast :Sierra's in 1st grade and i had no idea what i was in for teaching this grade level.i had no idea this is when children learn to count by 5's and 10's,the concepts of even and odd numbers, making change, cursive writing and the like....but here i am teaching it to a 6 and half year old little girl, and as long as she does not stress, she is SO excited and quick to learn.I am really impressed by her.I understand that everything i am teaching my children they need to know at some point in their lives.But a 6 year old needing to now know the values of coins and how to make change seems just a bit show offy.If she wasn't as eager to learn things like this, I'd gladly hold off just a little while longer in lieu of my baby going to her own piggy bank and counting out exactly the right amount f change to get a Ring Pop.Gone are the days of wanting "10 hundred dollars".

That miracles do still happen : My son johnny is 2 and half and he is just a miracle in and of himself.We almost lost him twice in a year & got to the point where we were mentally preparing to eventually lose him,period.But he's going to be 3 in May and as a little boy makes me earn my title MOM everyday.He's loud and rough, but very gentle with his baby sister and goes for a few days being Daddy's helper then a few days being a momma's boy.He's very headstrong ...dun dun dun!but he makes up for this ... with being ridiculously compliant at nap time and bedtime and when i need him to go tell somebody something or bring me something from another room.What can i say, he has my heart.
 
On the benefits of learning and applying Proverbs 3:5-6 : Then there's my baby girl Caia.She is SO advanced compared to her older siblings, but i think that's cause I listened to God's voice when I heard him tell me WAIT while i was pregnant with her.I wasn't sure what for or how long, but i did just that, and when i felt a peace I said OK to my 4th c-section in almost 7 years and delivered her at 42 weeks and 3 days.most dr.'s today would NEVER EVER EVER have even entertained that thought unless i had had a natural delivery in there somewhere, but as it turned out i had inadvertently put the physician too close to God on trust and knowing what's best when i had Johnny and although they say he was 38 weeks when born his lung development may have proven him to only be 34 0r 36, which is why he ended up in the NICU.So with Caia i prayed several times a day over her and for my courage to trust God over the "professional" and found a doc jut crazy enough to listen to me and it has made all the difference.head up and smiling at 2 days,crawling at 4 months,solid foods at 5 months and now at six months as of the 13th she is standing and trying to walk( i swear it's the creepiest little thing to see!

On how God takes your mistakes and uses it to his glory and for other benefits :I think alot about high school and wish i could have done stuff differently.i wish i knew then how my life would be now and that's it's ok to have a backbone and be assertive.I wish i had had more fun,lightened up a little and stood up for myself more, but i guess i turned out ok in spite of it all,lol.I'm still very organized,type A and pay incredible attention to detail.B+ work is not ok with me,lol....but knowing how i was helps me teach the kids differently and let them know slacking off is never ok but mistakes are just as important to learning the material as getting it all right.