I was on my way to the gym when my Christian station went all staticky. Begrudgingly I changed the station and heard the song More than Words by Extreme come on. I don't know what made me keep it on...to me the song's always been such a snoozer I turn it off immediately. But this time I kept it on, and though I'm pretty sure I have an idea what the guys in the song are asking for...(ugh) I was able to get a spiritual application from it as well.
"And the Lord said: “Because this people draw near with their mouth and honor me with their lips, while their hearts are far from me, and their fear of me is a commandment taught by men...."ESV
Most people think that Heaven is this happy place where there is never any human emotion like revenge or fear or sadness. To a degree, I believe this to be true also, but at the same time I completely believe these emotions exist- but only to God. Since He created our emotions, I think He feels every sinless emotion we feel, but He doesn't allow anyone or anything else in Eternity's Perfection to feel this. How can I not think that? Reread that verse up there. How would you feel if the one you loved more than anything in the world said they loved you too, said all the right things like how wonderful you are and how they couldn't make it through a day without you...but they never called you?Never wrote love letters?Never kissed,hugged,touched or spent time with you? Their words would show a closeness and devotion that wasn't really there. Their loyalty and love for you would be nothing but lies.
If you've been reading this blog, you've probably read more than a few times about my husband's transformation. It's not that he was this horribly abusive raging alcoholic. He just was not what he is today. He was and has always been a faithful worker and provider....but from 2 years ago back he was more..I don't know..I guess selfish would be a good word. He wanted to do what he wanted during his downtime, which is not a bad thing. But becoming completely deaf when I would be standing right there asking him a question or trying to spend some time with him because a game was on or he was playing his Playstation...that hurt. When I would tell him I was feeling disconnected or off he didn't get it, but figured it would pass. When he went to help me out with chores he did the minimum. I always tell the story of the time he asked"What do you want from me?" And I literally sat on top of him while he was on the floor, grabbed his face in my hands and( only half jokingly) yelled"I want flowers!Love notes!FLOWERS!"We were laughing at the time, but it wasn't funny. Even though I know he loved me because he said so, his actions said I was nothing more than his One and Mostly....
The picture above was taken last Sunday. I have become quite the couponer and religiously need to get my Sunday paper from the gas station in town so I can get my coupons and circulars. For the past 4 weeks I have been unable to get them. By the time I am able to get every one up,dressed and out the door the papers have all been gone...and the general consensus is they are all out by 9:30am. Everywhere in town.So last Saurday I made the comment before bed that I was setting my alarm to go off at 6:15am so that I could get a paper. When I woke up the next morning it was to my son shaking me and it was 10:30!I completely freaked and ran him and the baby over(lol) and down the stairs I flew to the kitchen where I thought I had my clothes laid out. In frustration and confusion as to how this could have happened, I turned around and saw the papers and the note. I just stood and cried. It wasn't a diamond necklace, or flowers or a sink full of clean dishes.
It was better.
It was a huge thing, regardless of him thinking it was small. He had stayed up all night( since we had gone to bed at like 1 or 2am anyway) and when 6am rolled around he got dressed, shut my phone off and snuck out into the chilly early morning to get not only 1 paper for me, but 4...one for every week that I had missed.
It takes alot to surprise me.Most people know I can't stand secrets..it drives me crazy and I get super sleuthy to found stuff out,lol. But this man...this wonderful man...not only had he blessed me with more coupons than I could clip in a whole day, but he blessed me with 4 extra hours of precious rare sleep and managed to do the whole thing on the sly...he actually surprised me!
There is a bit more to why his staying up all night meant so much to me..but that is another post for another day. Suffice it to say though, I woke him up with smiles and tears and the warmest hug of thanks. Even before he opened his eyes he smiled and whispered, "You're welcome". The whole day I just stared at him in amazement.He is not at all who he was, and sometimes his past still haunts and scares me. I have to consciously try to pray against resentment and remember that who I thought I married never existed til now.
God deserves our words to match up with our actions. Our hearts and lips must be in sync.We can not claim to be his children..his followers and listen to or watch garbage; we can't bless others or say we'll pray for them and cuss out the people who bother us; we can't post sweet pictures of angels or heaven or Jesus and be reading Hustlers (men) or desiring men who don't belong to us(women). How can we say we love Him when our actions don't?
Is God your One and Only, or your One and Mostly?