Sunday, May 29, 2011

originally written on Monday, 28 February 2011

  • Ok, before you think I'm crazy, just hear me out. This is not something that I just discovered; it's more like when you hear something over and over again then out of nowhere it just clicks like an epiphany. When I say that Children are People I'm not talking about their outward physical appearance, but their internal emotional and spiritual selves. But we are not just physical beings with spirits, but rather spiritual beings with bodies. To listen and talk and converse with one another grows us as individuals, stimulates thought and emotion and creativity. The old adage that "children should be seen and not heard" is killing our youth and essentially our upcoming generations. Children are not status symbols of your wealth or fertility or power.They are not meant to be put on display for the world to "ooh" and "ah" at and then put away again until you need an ego boost on your wonderful parenting skills. Children have had the need to communicate with us as their parents since the day they exited our bodies.
    Think of this:
    How did you know when your child (if you birthed or adopted a baby) was angry,scared,uncomfortable,hungry or tired? You couldn't tell just by looking at them, but rather their cries alerted you to their needs. Children today are still crying out for someone to hear them and their needs. Studies show that many children act out their negative emotions with negative behaviors because either they weren't taught how to voice them properly or the needs just weren't acknowledged properly if at all to begin with.
    We as people were meant to be tactile. Reports and scientific studies have proven that people die without physical touch.
     What happens
    when you initially touch or hold a baby? Aside from perhaps a smile, the first thing that happens is you begin to talk. Whether it be to the baby introducing yourself or them to the world, or if it is not your children- you begin to compliment the child to their parents and comment on what tiny this or that they have.Touch initiates conversation.Conversation stimulates thoughts and growth as mentioned above. Don't think that because you may have more than one child that they can or will always keep themselves occupied and in check.Don't think if you have but one little blessing that you can love them well enough with stuff and things . At some point as any busy or tired parent can attest to, their child will come hunt them down and begin the taptaptap on their father's leg and the MOM!MOM!MOM! the moment you pick up the phone to talk. If that doesn't get your attention they up the anty by tormenting siblings or whining louder or getting into mischief to grab your attention.
     PARENTS WHO HAVE/HAD TEENS: think how you feel/felt when you tried at some point to communicate to the teen and got answered with an empty whatever/i guess/sure/i dunno. Most likely you were frustrated,hurt or angry. Children are the same way, and by the way- kids are always listening and watching. My 7 year old should work for the CIA because I can be 3 rooms away on the phone and within week she is quoting a word or phrase i used in private (thank God we don't swear in this home!) with just as much emphasis or attitude as I used at that time. I can't prove it, but my guess is those empty phrases teens are notorious for using have at some point been used on them as children and they learned what it meant and how to get their points across in as few words as humanly possibly.
    Have you ever heard the saying," A child left to his own brings shame to his mother?" This is a Bible verse.It can be found in Proverbs 29:15. This verse doesn't necessarily mean that if you have your kids play alone together for a time while you fold laundry or make a dinner they will end up as crack heads by 10 years old.  It means children weren't meant to rear each other. Kids begin drifting towards the advice of their friends over the advice of their parents if the parents don't show them consistently and daily that they have the open lines of wise advice and communication from day one. I believe this why wayward kids would rather all hang in packs of like minded peers rather than stay at home with their families....what's the point if the parents are more apt to give their cell phones/gaming systems/work/the news/or themselves their undivided attention over their own kids?At least they can hang in their packs and feel like they all "get" each other, even if they all are like minded in their emptiness!
    I have tried something called tomato staking with my children and found it to be absolutely wonderful, but it is a learned skill. In a nutshell, you keep your children close by you at all times. The younger they are the closer they need to be.I don't mean you are all handcuffed to each other,lol. Take my family for example. I have 4 children ages 7½,5,3½ and 18 months. My 2 older children would  be at my side learning a skill such as cooking while I make dinner while my 2 younger ones play one the floor with pots and pans. OR maybe my older girls are at the dining room table going over their lessons (since I home school) while I help my son gather the kitchen trash with the baby on my hip. Had I children 10 or older they wouldn't have to be within my line of vision necessarily, but definitely within earshot so that I can redirect or stop dead in its tracks an inappropriate word or conversation.... the key is practice it all day everyday to make it get easier. The results are wonderful. The tv is off more and not even missed. Attitudes are adjusted, conversation flows easily and it just becomes eerily easy to just coexist. It's like a diet, the first time you pass up the chance to spend time with your kid while they are awake and give them the inkling that whatever "thing" you are doing takes precedence over them without a logical explanation, and they may be off and starting trouble to get your attention- or worse yet, they remain wonderfully the same and you begin your habit of laziness again. BTW- the term tomato staking comes from the literal raising of tomatoes. If you don't as the "stake" keep your tomato plant (the children) tied close to you or your watchful eyes and ears, they will grow wild and not yield desirable fruit.
    My whole point  to this entry is to help you realize the value in your children. Spend time with them.Talk with them. Let them know how much you really care, your hopes and desires for their lives and most of all how you are there for them. No matter what. And don't forget that they are tactile. Hold their hands or hug them...and a kiss doesn't hurt either.winky

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