Winds of Change

 

I apologize if this entry isn't all that long. I'm not feeing well, but I feel the urge to tell somebody to "hold on." I was taught in school that life and times are like a pendulum; that even though it seems things are only ever going to swing one way-and it seems that way is usually against us- that they have to turn like the tides and swing the other way in our favor. I am SO living this right now.

I prayed months ago for God to reveal my purpose to me- to show me the bigger picture of my life and i believe it's beginning to take shape. As I've written words to these posts and posts for other wonderful sites and bloggers...my heart has begun to shift and change. I can still have a temper and a low tolerance for stupid,lol, but I feel more mellow. I am facing in the coming months major oral surgery to yank my wisdom teeth,remove 3 baby teeth that never came out,braces and the pulling down of impacted adult teeth. I fear sedation,pain,looking ridiculous at 30 and the overwhelming financial hardship this is going to put on us.

But my God is bigger and He loves me.

I'm also feeling it's time for us to move again; we've outgrown this house and prayed for a year now about what to do. I need my mother and my husband and I desperately need a night or 2 out alone..we haven't had one in years.We are barely making it as it is and from the viewpoint of a 3rd party all we can do about this is dream. 

I say I can pray.

I have a home picked out just 10 minutes from Grammie, 2 hours from here.... and prayed over it...now it's a matter of God getting us in there. Or wherever He wants us is fine with me. 

I would never ever EVER make this blog monetized. It is my ministry and it blesses me to bless others. But after having just a feeling (and I'm beginning to know these feelings and follow them) I put a donation button on my other blog           (8 Years of Growth) all the way at the bottom of the page. If people feel led to bless us it can be done there; it is secure and is attached to Paypal. But I don't expect it,I don't ask for it...but in the off chance it leads to my prayers being answered i humbly thank all who have a hand in blessing us in advance. 10% of all donations will always be tithed, by the way. I will continue to write the words God drops in my spirit here and if you believe the words "hold on" were meant for you..please don't fight them. God's got you. I've come to learn when God requires you to jump off a cliff, He either catches you or gives you wings to fly----but he will never let you fall.

Isaiah 40:31 

"But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

Seasons

From time to time I may feature a post I had written from my old Xanga blogs. Some day I plan on printing out each entry and  making a "Remembrance Book" for my children, so they can one day know their mother's heart. At any rate, here is one I wrote this year and it's one of my favorites:

Yet another season of change has blown thru our home, thankfully almost completely uneventfully: my little girl Caia, my baby, has moved into her own bed.
      All of my children have co-slept with us. Sierra was one of the hardest. She had to go thru a literal process- by that I mean it started from our bed to her crib next to the bed, to one wall of the crib down so she could roll from bed to crib and back again at will.After that came the fun of moving it about 2 inches at a time from week to week til she was in the next room. 
     Brianna couldn't wait to have her own bed- she literally would either climb outta her crib and fall on her face every morning or shake the crib so violently that it finally broke. Johnny by far was the worst. He did not take the eviction well at all- especially since it was almost simultaneous with me weaning him, my new part time job and being newly pregnant with Caia. Yeah, so after a week of his blood curdling screams that lasted hours on end, (i kid you not) I spent EVERY SINGLE NIGHT of my 42 week pregnancy sleeping on his floor by his bed like Lassie- some nights holding his tight little fist.
     But Caia, she is a tough little cookie but by far the easiest transition we've ever had. She loves her bed, a little too much maybe. She thought it was an awesome new toy the whole evening til bedtime. Then for an hour after bed she thought it was hilarious, this new game of crawl- outta- bed-mommy- puts- me- back. It wasn't until i realized my sitting by her bed somehow made it a game  did it become not so fun for her. I'd now put her in bed and go sit on my bed. When she went to join me it was a sweet,"It's bedtime my love", hug n kiss and tuck her in. Hubby kept count how many times this had to take place for her to get it. By 4 she was no longer laughing.By 7 she was full on screaming in protest. By 10 she would crawl out, look warily at me- waiting for me to cave (rarely do i ever cave). By 11 she sat up ready to crawl out again, then decided just to lay down and was out within minutes. She did wake up a few more times before 5 am, but the screaming was a minimum.
By the 2nd night, the only tears flowing in heartache were my own. I couldn't believe she had taken to the bed so quickly. Tonite it was as if she has always had her own bed and I'm the one to be horribly lonely every other week. See when my hubby goes to work at night i used to snuggle with Caia. Now i have no one and nothing- the dog won't even stay in my room long enough to snuggle,lol. I know she is only 7 feet away but i may not be able to have anymore children due to always having c-sections and now being diabetic. i don't know what God has in store for me...but in the case that she is my last baby, this precious time of nursing and cuddling in bed and smelling her sweet milky baby breath is quickly coming to a close- like Winter melting into Spring. I am going from having 2 kids and a baby and a toddler to somehow 3 big kids and a little kid! I am grateful that God has allowed my children to come so far and grow this much...and I pray they continue to do so, but that doesn't make it any less difficult.
     It seems like since last year so many seasons in my life have changed...it becomes hard sometimes. Going from what I thought was a healthy person to a diabetic rocked my world. Now i see I am healthier now than I ever was thanks to the diabetes forcing my fat butt out of the house and into the gym, where (at -42lbs) it is becoming a sculpted and steadily shrinking tush,lol.  The house that I have loathed for 4 years here in WV now has a room I love- the bathroom,lol- thanks to a $120 redecorating job from Walmart.I'd give anything to get rid of the nasty claw foot tub this place came with and get a brand new one...but my tub phobia is the topic of another blog for another day,lol. Until we can afford one, I suppose I will just continue to shower in my socks :). 
lol. That's not really a whole lot of time to fully grasp the immensity of life,seasons of change and eternity.
But I guess it's as good a place to start as any. Hopefully I will have discovered my purpose and fulfilled my destiny by 33, like Jesus. †